I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
