It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
