I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
