Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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