it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
