This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
