This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
