my vag is so smooth its legendary
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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