some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
