the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
