Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
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Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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