physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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