They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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