I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
