AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
