Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
