Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
