I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?