my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
