I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
