Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
