You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
