Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
