I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
