best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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