So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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