I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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