I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
