i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize