guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
