Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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