which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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