The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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