I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
