then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Let's get the cat blown out
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Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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