I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
