If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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