Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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