Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
