Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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