Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
