why didn't you poke me back
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
