Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
