College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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