sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
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We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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