I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
