I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
