at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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