I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
