why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
