$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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