ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
