i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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