awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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