i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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