wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
we're so committed to being not committed
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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