I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
