VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
