If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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