Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
