I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
