how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
