You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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