I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
