Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
