I just saw a hot homeless man
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
