Porn is love you can see.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
