The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
