I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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