Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
