nut hugger
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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