The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
