Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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