clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
